Helmets, Sidecars, BBQ and Full Body Armor

Hank Hank at the SLO Motorcycle Classic, Oct 2012

A couple of years ago I was at a vintage motorcycle show and became instant buddies with a crazy Scotsman named Hank.  Hank is always willing to participate in sidecar events and always supporting what people are doing.  Brother Hank is one of the official Sidetrak’n Cosmonutz as well as an official Distinguished Gentleman.  So it was my pleasure to ride up and participate in his event, Sidecars, BBQ and Full Body Armor.

Any day on a sidecar is a good day, some better than others but all are just simply good times.  Sidecar days are even better when you can share with your friends and better still when you make new friends in the process.

Hank put together a great afternoon of activities with two BBQ grills going full tilt by midmorning, two Scalextrics Slot car racing tracks complete with electric sidecars as well as a dirt track to demo one of his bikes and of course the afternoon blind sidecar slalom.  

There were folks that rode in from as far away as San Jose as well as Monterey and Paso Robles.  For me it was a nice 120km (each way) ride on the California Central Coast.

The slot car races were full-contact no rules Mad Max style racing.  Given these parameters I had to devote the appropriate resources and build a competition Gobi slot-sidecar.  Again racing is racing and this is serious stuff so I tuned my miniature hack as any good competitor would.  Christie gave me a hard time for cheating but I told her it wasn’t possible to cheat since there weren’t any rules and then promptly bumped her out if the way…lol. 

How do you hot rod a slot car?  Well, I took it apart and coated all of the moving parts with dry silicon.  Ha!...it worked like a charm.  The old camo Gobi would lap the others easily in two and half laps.  Boom! That just happened.  Yeah yeah I know they are just slot cars but it was still pretty funny.  The hardest part was keeping it on the track! After all, physics are still physics regardless of the size of the sidecar. 

OK, so now on to real track. The slalom was a load of fun and I suppose its only fair payback to have the monkey in control for a change.  Its funny because I never really thought about it before but now I have a better understanding why a few of my friends don’t want to monkey because they have to be in control. 

To clear up any confusion, blind sidecar slalom isn’t a figure of speech but a literal description of the challenge.  First you form a team, having a trustworthy monkey with good communication skills is the most important factor in this low speed death-defying mechanical adventure.  Then as the pilot you have to take a big bite of humble pie (did someone say pie? —sorry I digress—pie is for later), precede to the start, then don your blackout glasses, ease out the clutch, take your time and LISTEN to what your monkey tells you. 

When you roll off the starting line you will take left and right commands (from your monkey) to safely navigate through the course in both directions without (hopefully) hitting any cones.   It’s kind of like getting a pilots instrument rating without having any instruments. Seriously it’s tremendously disorienting but good for a laugh. 

After copious amount of BBQ, pie and a good sunburn everyone started winding down and shuffling home.  Taking with them kind gifts from our host and an afternoon of fond memories.

Steve and Hank agreeing that next year
Steve will have a hack as well--hint hint

Ural National Rally Day 2013

Rally Day 2013

Well friends, Rally Day 2013 is in the bag. The weather was spectacular, the camaraderie humbling and the interactions (UDF's) brilliant!  UDF, by the way, is Ural Delay Factor and one of the phenomena that make Uraling so much fun.  A UDF is basically what happens when you stop your bike for any reason and get delayed with a conversation (usually about your Ural.)  The UDF's on this years rally often resulted in providing rides, which I call "a monkey orientation."  Oh… the monkey… A monkey in sidecar speak is the person riding in the sidecar.  If you need a greater understanding of what it means to be "the monkey," check out Sidetrak'n Monkey Michael S. at the 12 second mark in the 2012 Rally video or for a more extreme demonstration check out this clip.  Another term is known as "flying the chair," which means handling the bike in such a fashion that the sidecar wheel lifts up in the air on a swift right turn (with a right hand sidecar that is).

The official sunrise time of 0645 started the clock with ride checks and final preparations.  Next thing on the schedule was to meet the group for breakfast at the Quackenbush Cafe in Los Alamos.

The Sidetrak'n Cosmonutz consisted of three sidecars, one BMW GS and a team support vehicle
as we took off to the Air Force base to get a unique "Gate Guard" photo (gate guard = static display).  In this case we took pictures of the Minuteman III ICBM

and the M-47 Patton Tank.  We were also fortunate to have a few Airman join us and take a few service rides (service ride = taking someone in uniform for a ride).

Thanks fellows for raising your hand to defend our freedoms! Next time a longer ride...

After sharing our adventure with our military friends we made our way to the Carnegie Library in Lompoc CA.  While the library is a historic building it is also home to the Lompoc Museum.

From there we made our way down Highway 1

to Hwy 101 South through Gaviota and stopping at the Arroyo Hondo Bridge to pick up points for a "historic bridge" before continuing on to Goleta.  

As we made our way south Yakdan split from the group to go pick up his monkey for the remainder of the journey and rejoin us in Goleta.  We came rolling down the exit ramp at Patterson Ave leaving the scream of the 4-lane behind us… and then there was PIE!!!  Yes... the lovely ladies

of Simply Pies in Goleta took good care of us with a special "Sidetrak'n" pie and even greater enthusiasm.

After exceeding our caloric intake for… ehhmmmm… the month (perhaps the year)…. we adjourned to the parking lot for no less then 5... yes... FIVE monkey orientation rides.  Enthusiasm is infectious and we had a great time.. The customers even got into the spirit and one of the gals sweetheart came down to go for a ride as well.  It was good fun or as Jordan put it, "Pie-tastic!"

 These girls have sidecar'n in their DNA.  They were cracking me up when we were flying the chair.  You girls ROCK!

From there Yakdan took over duties at the front of the pack and lead us to Hope Ranch where I got my first pucker points.  I told Larry i Felt like we were riding through the set of 70's TV show Fantasy Island.  I've lived here for 20 years and never driven through Hope Ranch.  WAY out of my price range...lol.

Without missing a beat we headed across the Mesa, past the beaches, the harbor and up State Street to the 3 Pickles Deli for lunch.  Talk about karma, I achieved a full pucker literally as we pulled into the parking spot!  Oh and I have video to prove it!  Oh yeah, Pucker points are when you run your bike until you are out of fuel.

At the First pucker you switch to reserve and Full Pucker is completely empty.  FYI, you don't want to have full pucker going uphill on State Street in Santa Barbara in the middle of a Saturday afternoon.  Outside of the embarrassment there would be a lot of unhappy motorists giving you the "stink-eye"… at best…lol.  Thankfully the Motorcycle Gods were looking over us again and we sputtered to a stop in the parking lot next to the deli.  Pretty awesome really.  Gas can in-hand we solved that problem without further issue. 

After some lunch we spun around the block for some photographic shenanigans at the courthouse before heading over the San Marcos pass and heading toward Solvang.  In Solvang we split paths with Yakdan so he could go check on his pups and get some canine monkey points before meeting us again to make the twisties back to Los Alamos.
While Dan made his detour we ran up the windy road past the Nojoqui Falls County Park and then a short stint on the "old coast road" before heading to regroup in Buellton.  

As we made our way up Ballard Canyon, which is just a beautiful curvy ride through the hills, vineyards and ranches we kept our eyes peeled for the buffalo grazing in the fields hoping to get some animal points.  Eureka! they were there!  Apparently the buffalo also dig sidecars because the came little closer so we could get some pictures. I think this stop got the highest points for entertainment on the day.  While we were stopped for photo's and a "nature break" a really nice couple came down the road in one of the most beautiful examples of a Shelby Cobra that have ever seen or heard.

This car sounded amazing!!! Well, we flagged them down and they were so kind as to let us get a  picture with our rally flags and that's when the emotion… fatigue… silliness… and general jocularity of it all got to Hank Hank and he clasped (not medically…lol) in gratitude.

 He was just having fun or as he put it… "getting snake bitten by a Cobra."  We all had a good laugh as he flopped down on the road with his rally flag next to him and the car. 

The final run through Ballard, Foxen and Alisos canyons gave us spectacular views of the San Rafael Mountains before making our final stop in Los Alamos at Full of Life Flatbread.

The original plan to meet at Casa Dumetz went awry do to a schedule conflict but not to worry, in Sidetrak'n fashion one must find opportunity when deviating from the plan.  George and the folks at Flatbread hooked us up and we made that our final stop.  As a result of that change in plans, Hank and I challenged each other to a tire change which looked more like a Chinese fire drill than a pit crew but it was good for laugh and a sidewalk spectical.

That spectical resulted in a conversion with a passerby that was an old acquaintance that I hadn't seen in at least five years.  It was great to reconnect and catch-up. Had we followed our original plan or even opted not to change the tire we would have probably missed one another.  

All in all it was a beautiful day.  We shared our story with new friends, spent the day with our Sidetrak'n family, shared solidarity with our Worldwide Ural family and created some great memories for all concerned.  That's what it's all about… pulling on the thread that binds us all and reveling in the experience.  Thanks again everyone!  See you out there… somewhere….hopefully before next years rally.  -jp

For more photos check out Ms. Rosminah's handiwork at her flickr page.

Moto Guzzi... Do they still make those? Yes, yes they do

So, Why the Guzzi?

Well for the most part, it's completely inverse of the Ural.  They are like mechanical Yin and Yang.

The Goose is absolutely the most passionate machine I have ever owned and that says something because I have had my share of machines.  It has a level of intensity that permeates everything in its vicinity. You don't merely start or "turn on" this bike.  You literally bring it to life when you put in the key.  It reciprocates by bringing the same to you when you settle into the saddle.  

It has an explosive symphonic growl that is simply unique.  If you were to try to visualize the sound, it would be as if it were a star at the brink of going super nova.  Sticking with that theme; when you twist the throttle it is like the M1 Nebula… it just keeps expanding with this explosive force that feels as though you are going to be hurled across the universe. 

Where the Ural turns heads by its unique visual presence this bike turns beds by its voice.  When I was at Speed Week this guy comes running out of the store at a gas station with his buddy to get a glimpse of the bike.  He told me he was an AMA tech inspector and how he loved the unique sound of a Guzzi.  He was right, nothing sounds quite like a Goose.  He kept saying, "Man I heard you downshift and pull up to the pump and knew.  THAT HAS TO BE A GOOSE".  He was elated to see one on road. 

The design; well it's artistic yet comfortable.  I can ride it all day and still feel fresh.  At your very first gaze you realize it has its own shape and it is not merely a copy of every other half-naked sport bike.  The closer you look the more finesse in engineering you will see. from the fasteners to the fairing brackets.  Yes... even the brackets on this bike have style and functional style at that.  

More importantly to me is its character.  The combination of all of those things brings a unique character to this bike.  It is what drew my father to love Moto Guzzi's many years ago.  I can remember him coming home with a flyer for a new Eldorado and telling me all about the engineering of the transverse V-twin and the shaft drive.  I remember him proclaiming that it was the Maserati of motorcycles.  He was right.  He never was able to own a Moto Guzzi because shortly thereafter he had a stroke which prevented him from ever riding a motorcycle again.  I know he rides with me every time it comes to life.  He would have loved this machine.

Sidetrak'n worthy?  You bet!  It too is a catalyst for dialog.  The people that walk up are either "in the know" or they want to be.  Either way, they have a story and are interested in yours.  For example the other day I stopped to say hello to Cookie Kelli and enjoy a fine Chocobloc Cookie (a somewhat religious experience, i might add) and Jim the Corvair guy was captivated by the Goose which resulted in a 20 minute conversation about all things mechanical and philosophical.  Brilliant. 

So thats it, passionate, absolute, dependable and unassuming yet stylish enough to a sophisticated taste. I guess it's just a mechanical reflection of what I aspire to be.  

Twisting somewhere--jp